The Airport.

Hello. :) This is just an excerpt from the book PS I Love You that I really liked. Nothing related to anything. Here goes:

Holly loved airports. She loved the smell, she loved the noise, and she loved the whole atmosphere as people walked around happily tugging their luggage, looking forward to going on their holidays or heading back home. She loved to see people arriving and being greeted with a big cheer by their families and she loved to watch them all giving each other emotional hugs. It was a perfect place for people-spotting. The airport always gave her a feeling of anticipation in the pit of her stomach as though she were about to do something special and amazing. Queuing at the boarding gate, she felt like she was waiting to go on a roller coaster ride at a theme park, like an excited little child. 

=) 

Short-term Happiness can be annoying. Very annoying.

After a storm comes the rainbow. Which lasts for a minute. And then, back to square one, the storm. Which lasts even longer, leaves an ever-lasting scar. The effects also last longer.

Yeah, that's how my life is right now. So even after hundred times being disappointed that I can NEVER be happy in life, me like a freak, expects it. And it does come, no denial there, but for what, a second? And poof! Gone. 

Really, what's that word for people who can't see others happy? With me it's either that, or no happiness at all.Really, it sucks. For once, JUST FUCKING ONCE, I want to be happy. But no! My life, EVERYBODY has to screw it up, riiiiiiiiight? Amazing! And if I complain, I seem like the 'oh-she-complains-too-much' types. Really dude, life was no better before or after. There's nothing except a second's happiness, which gives me hopes, and then BAM come the hopes, crashing down, hitting hard. That too, it's not even like I fly way too much, But haha, it's me we're talking about, so, go ahead, MESS THE FUCKING HUMAN LIFE UP.

The randomest post ever.

Haha, so, the way Im gonna write this blog? Will signify the biggest change ever. Me. I can feel it in me, that I've changed. Suddenly, I know who I love, who I don;t, why I do, why I don't. Everything's clearer, yet so confusing. I don't even know where to begin. The words are just not coming out, all though I have this big huge boring para about the changes inside, drafted already. Putting it here, is pretty much NOT my thing right now.
So anyway. I was saying. I have always let go of life and done what felt right at the moment. But now, I'm kinda just letting go too much. So much, in fact, that in the midst of it all, maybe I'm losing me. I'm no more the girl loved by everyone, no more the girl unknown, no more the pretentious girl, no more the single girl, no more me. I've got haters now, been known for some nasty stuff (let's just say the stuff isn't completely true), started opening up just a teeny bit more dating the most wonderful guy ever, having the time of my life. Yes, it's like a new life altogether. I'm not gonna deny that I don't like it. In fact. I lovee it. But somewhere in my heart, I miss my old simple life as someone who had no worries in life, always happy, bubbly. Now its like my fucking life has been turned upside down. Things that mattered before, don't.People who mattered before...its not like they don;t anymore, its just that my priorities have changed. Yeah, there. That's the best way I can put it in. Priorities. Have. Changed.
I dunno, some days, I feel extremely happy and normal, the others, just so depressed and emo. The later is dominant, but nonetheless, that small period of time of the former is comforting once in a while, you know.
I have also realized. That I'm basically a very confused girl with an unstable mind. I want many things in life, and when I get them, I'm still not satisfied. Maybe I just like the chase, as my bestie put it. Which reminds me. Bestie. Yeah, she's changed , too. Anyway, about that, we shall talk later. Right now, I just want to listen to random songs and karaoke with myself and feel happy and forget all tensions in life and jump on my terrace and feel the cold night air and feel the first rays of sunshine hit my face at dawn and want everyone around me to be happy and forget what it's like to be sad and have the bestest ever feeling.
^ Told ya, I want many things in life. Making the best of what I have, is what Im trying to do.
Sometimes, though, I just lose it and ask myself, WHY THE FUCK DO I DEVOTE MY LIFE FOR OTHERS AND STAND UP FOR THEM, AND WHEN IT COMES TO ME, ITS LIKE MY DEFENCE SKILLS ARE SUCKY OR WHAT? I there's such a disease as loving to say sorry, then yeah, Im diseased.
Yes, that;s a bizarrely random blog. Bye now. :) 

When the people around you suck.

I don't know if this is because I'm changing, or if it's the teenage hormone rush, or if it's reality. But I do know, that sometimes, people in your life will just suck. Including family. Today? Well, EVERYbody around me sucked. At least that's how I saw it. And family? Oh, don't even wanna talk. Seriously, just because you are fucking 21, you get all the respect, and me? 'Oh, she's 14, what will she know? Oh, she's dumb, don't listen to her crap.' You know what, I am the one making most sense and knowing the inside truth about everyone. Let's face it, I know it's true, I'm not just radiating over confidence. Really, I thought good people always win in the ending. HAHAHAHAH. SUUUUUUURE. Like totally. Jokes.
I ant to kill everybody man, but then I'd have to meet them in hell, too, so shit.
Fuck this unfair world, fuck all those nasty minded bones, fuck me.
Im not used to such abusing, but today? Fuck it.

Everybody wants.

10th Grade's here. Bringing with it all the usual teenage drama. My blog's named Change, and its perfect because now I think the change has happened with me. I have this sudden desire for a boyfriend. N, I'm not desperate, It's just that I see all these happy couples everyday, and hello, even I want to feel like somebody's 'special girl'. I don't know, who it is, but Im just waiting ALL the time for that blissful feeling. Hmph.

All the ups and downs in my life, need to be shared with that guy. Why, why can't the most needed ones have it all? It's always the slutty, desperate girls who get it all. :\ Sad, it is, I tell you.

Anyway, what has changed most is my connection with my family. I don;t know if its just my hormones raging, the rusty adrenaline rush, or them. I don;t know, but things have definitely changed since I got to know my mother's terrible secret. Wish I could change THAT, now.

Ciao.